I am back at the Tobacco cottage. Home, I guess. I am very lucky to have made some really good friends here at Valhalla, people who are willing to catch me when I fall. Erin has decided to hire Kate. I am disappointed and hurt, but I will be working more on my own and will have access to both instructors, so that will be good.

Erin gave me a very bad lesson the other day on Insightful, and left me crying in the saddle, and after my lesson. She basically made me feel completely worthless as a rider, and told me that I was ruining her best horse. At one point, I almost got off. I confronted her after my lesson about how mean she was, and she said that, amoung other things, she had some residual anger about me leaving in the first place. However, she realized that she was completely in the wrong and apologized and apologized every time she saw me for the rest of the day.

I feel like everyone is a little upset with me for leaving, so I am working through that right now. However, I told Jean that I am still glad I did it, because I would have always wondered what would have come from the opportunity if I didn't pursue it. I am really mad at AJ for screwing things up for me, though. He had promised to buy me a horse, a saddle, and take me to shows - all things that I desperately want, but am not willing to sell myself for. Hopefully there will be another way to get there.

So, last Friday night AJ and I went to Bilinda's for dinner. I had a few margaritas and got rather tipsy. Afterwards, we went back to the barn to do night check and stopped to look at the stars and remark on what a nice night it was, and he tried to kiss me! I dodged him, and then he just hugged me and said "That's a good girl." I avoided him the entire next day and called my Mom in the afternoon to tell her what happened. I was sobbing so hard that I could barely get the words out at first, and when I did I was shaking and crying so hard that I knew I had to get out of there.

Fortunately, Erin was coming down that day to stay with us and take me to a show the next day as her scribe. It was good to talk it out with her, and come up with a plan. I knew I was welcome back at the farm and have started to work as her assistant. Unfortunately, she had already begun moving forward with interviewing for a new assistant. The day I got here Kate was trying out. So, I will be here until the first week in October at least. I think Erin will make her decision soon. If she doesn't pick me, then I might be able to work as Iris's assistant. If that doesn't work out, I will probably head to SC with Gilda and Nick for awhile, unless something else comes up. I will be posting my resume and checking out openings shortly.